Seeing as I’m halfway home, I wanted to write about my experience so far. Before I left, I wrote down some of my worries and my feelings about coming abroad. What I had turned out pretty negative, so instead of posting it raw I thought that I would give my future self the chance to respond. So, here’s a blast from the past.
August 15th, 2018
The countdown is dwindling, and at the time of writing this I am 9 days from leaving. I wanted to share some of my thoughts now, that way in a couple months when I’ve returned home I will be able to reflect and contrast them to my actual experience. I hope that it will become an interesting full circle perspective that could help other people as they prepare to move away, maybe start college, or undergo any drastic change in their environment.
I’m glad that I was able to come home to Fresno for a couple weeks before take off, because I was able to see all my family and friends for an extended period of time. While I’m a very independent person, I have a a large amount of trepidation for leaving my people for such a long period of time. I am very glad that I will have John with me. Honestly, I don’t know if I would have the courage to move to another country if I was going by myself. We’re very lucky that we were able to plan this semester out and make this experience a reality together. I’m not the kind of person to share my relationship online, and I won’t start now, but I got lucky with him.
I know that when it’s actually happening, and I’m actually in Italy, I will inevitably be fine. It’s just all the anticipation and build up before I leave that is giving me a hard time. For the past year as John and I planned this semester, all I’ve felt was excitement. It’s not until now when it’s so close to happening that I feel like a deer in the headlights. Studying abroad seems so great in theory, but actually putting that into practice? Terrifying. It’s similar to when I was planning for my first semester of college and moving away. While exciting, there are so many variables that give the potential to stress or pick over. What will my roommates be like? Will I frustrate locals because I can’t speak their language well? Will I get homesick? Will I make friends? Will the professors be more challenging than I can handle? Will I get to visit all the countries I hope to? Will I be able to stay in touch with friends despite a 9 hour time difference? Will I be able to navigate in another country with different customs?
Overall: I think it’s safe to say that I am a worrier. I know that thoughts like these don’t deserve a large amount of entertainment, because ultimately, there is only so much I can do to fix or smoothen their happening. But as it currently happens, I lack the ability to turn off my brain (which is probably a good thing?)
I am genuinely freaking out. I am so nervous for this semester that I can’t sleep because I think of everything that could go wrong. I didn’t expect to feel so negatively about leaving. I’m really having a hard time about it. I hope that once I’m on the plane or once I’m there I will feel more excited. Or at the least, there will be so many distractions I won’t be able to focus on the negatives.
Anyway, stay tuned for 140 days from now when I am back in Fresno from being abroad. If past experience tells me anything, I think that time will fly pretty fast.
Fast forward to today, Oct 26th, 2018.
Moving to Italy for the semester has had its ups and downs. The ups definitely put the downs into perspective, but despite the cute pictures, it’s not all fun and games. The homesickness comes and goes depending on the day. It was really great when my parents came to visit, after they left the homesickness was hard to deal with.
There’s a competing struggle throughout this semester between wanting to experience everything possible, and needing to take a break for mental healths sake. I am not the type to keep going, going, and going. I need time to myself frequently so that I can orient myself. Also, it’s hard to not be homesick but then I feel bad for feeling homesick because I’m experiencing something so unique and amazing.
Honestly, alot of the worries from before I left were meaningless. Stressing out about things outside of my control don’t help the problem, and most of those things were settled over time. Classes haven’t been too hard, but its still school and I have had multiple essays and midterms. Planning weekend trips was really hard in the beginning, but its not hard once you make decisions and start pulling the trigger on flights. There are definitely things you can only learn with time and experience. Like checking exactly how far your acomodation is from the sights you want to see, or only selecting specific flights or airbnbs, or what kind of people you travel best with. The more I experience, the more aware I become that I am capable of doing all this.
Time is really flying, which is both sad and happy. Sad because I’m having a great time this semester, but happy because I miss my cat, my family, my friends and familiarity.
Everything is made worth it when I get to experience a new country for the weekend. I can’t believe I actually get to do this, it still doesn’t feel real. I am so grateful for the experiences that I’ve been so lucky to have over the past 8 weeks. I never thought I would see Brussels, Prague, Vienna, or so much of Italy, and there’s even more to come!
The beginning was definitely the hardest. At first, all of the changes were exciting. But then I started to despise the changes because I missed familiar things. Also, the mosquitos were a real blow to moral. After a couple months, I’ve adjusted to Rome. I’ve made some good friends, I’ve eaten alot of pasta and gelato, and I’ve got some really exciting weekends planned.
Pros to life in Rome: The coffee is exquisite, available just about everywhere, and only 1 euro. I still haven’t gotten tired of pasta because it’s just that good. The architecture is gorgeous and despite the size of the city, my neighborhood feels small and closeknit. Being able to travel around Europe without spending an arm and a leg.
Things I miss the most: the convenience of driving places, starbucks, target and having one place where you can buy absolutely everything, people wearing deodorant, my cat, having a clothes dryer, being in the same time zone as my friends, and the rest of my wardrobe.
